Dr. Robert

I haven't been to PhillyThe Next Borough except for a couple of days back in the summer of '96 or '97 when my boy Shooter lived there in a rough-ass spot (South side?) next-door to a mental institution. This crazy-house was pretty low-security and actually left a gate open during the day so the bolder of the residents could step out and wander the sidewalks cackling maniacally and talking to the squirrels and shit.

Shooter lived with a big, black, tatted-up mover dude named Hawk and Hawk's stripper girlfriend. I can't remember her name but it might as well have been T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Little jawn would act all quiet and angelic while Hawk was around, but as soon as he left she'd start prancing around in her underwear, sitting with her legs all spread, sucking on lolli-pops, dancing to Bone Thugz CDs, and generally trying to seduce every dude she laid eyes on, especially Shooter who was alone in the house with her nearly every afternoon. It was clear that the express purpose of these flirtations and seductions was so that she could sit back and watch, feeling sexy and desirable, when Hawk inevitably got home and whupped the shit out of whoever was unlucky enough to fall for her whiles.

My boy was friends with Hawk, had no love of violence or drama, and did his best to keep his distance, avoiding all advances and generally behaving towards this little tramp with an aloof air of gentlemanly respect. He wanted to fuck her real bad though.

As the summer wore on and the little skeeze intensified her efforts to ensnare my friend in her smooth-skinned, skinny-legged little trap, he came up with a plan.
to be cont.

Monday Bonus 'Scrips:

• This + Sandwich = LUV: This girl has serious skills. Skills.
• Crackers: Some idiot OU student "forgot" he had a pipe-bomb in his luggage. Thing is, I believe him. Fucking Okies.
• Sloganeering: I'm thinking about getting into advertising. How's this? Hummer H3, my other car is a Porsche 944! (Does this qualify me for unofficial TATs crew status? Seriously, NICER, BG, holla at a blogger!)
• Bounce Bounce: fi5e and his lady have put together a video of the recent Clap Your Hands Say Yeah show at the South Street Sea Port. Even if you're not feeling BK's next big Talking Heads redux, you're gonna love the stockbroker who can't stop wylin' the fuck out.
• Fall in the Urr?: Y'all ready for September? Ohio State watch out.