Dr. Robert

Little dude was my hero...

The Sports Guy's Intern on the pain* of being a Hawk's fan. I was right there with him until he said he wanted Chris Paul. I've got three words to describe that kid; O.ver.rated.

*It should be noted here that, despite the Hawks' moribund ways of late, they are the only NBA team ever to have three different Dunk Contest champions. And all three were total badasses. No weak Brent Barry, Dee Brown, Kenny Walker bullshit here. Spud, 'Nique, and Josh Smith are easily top 6 all time, comparable only to the Doctor, Jordan, and Vince Carter.

Porno Rapper? Mattsoreal is straight clutch, the Bob Horry of this internerd/radio/magazine/party-promotion shit. Thanks to him, I can hit y'all off with this link to streaming audio of Devin the Dude live in Amsterdam. Same (short) set as NYC, so if you missed it here's yer chance, and if you were there, you can re-live it.

+ +

NBA Draft. I'm not mad at ATL for picking up Marvin Williams and Salim Stoudamire. The Hawks are slowly becoming very athletic and even a little bit nasty. With the ATLien flying above the rim, Childress filling it up, Stoudamire raining 3s, Tyronn Lue running around like a 6 year old at a birthday party, and now Marvin doing his #2 draft pick thing, they'll at least be fun to watch. Now just trade Al Harrington for another point guard or a center and things will start to come together.

Plus the Hawks still have Royal Ivey...

who's going to be shutting folks down on D for years to come.

Questions:
What about these HS kids who declared and then didn't get taken until the 2nd Round? No guaranteed money means they might go to college for a year. I'd love to see CJ Miles at Texas and Louis Williams ("Allen Iverson with Vince Carter hops") at Georgia, but would they be better off in the re-tooled NBDL where they can make a little scratch and practice and play as much as they want without any NCAA restrictions?

Questionable:
NBA Draft fashion history.

Bucks Back?
TJ to Bogut? The little dude made Jason Klotz and James Thomas look all-world, imagine what he can do for the big Sissie Aussie. Now, who's gonna coach these guys?

??????:
This will keep you occupied for a few minutes. Honey gets stuck in some seriously compromising positions. I heard when you get to the end she takes her clothes off.

Finally:

Scratching my head here as to why exactly Jon Caramanica decided to put News Radio on blast in the New York Times.

News Radio was that comedy crack. Bill McNeal and Jimmy James are two of the funniest characters in sitcom history, and Andy Dick had his moments as well. Foley played the straight-man, so what?

Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor, Damn!

Oh yeah, Caramanica also wrote a piece on "Random Rap," I'm too mad to read it though.

While the NBA season is over for you regular folks, those of us lucky enough to be a part of the Beta test for Commisioner Stern's NBA 2.o, get year round entertainment. Right now as I type
I'm watching the 2.0 Dee-troit Pistons jump around in the locker room screaming, hollering and punching each other in the face while the sounds of Lil Weavah blast from the Palace sound-system. It's awesome. Chauncey is freaking the fuck out.

I would not fuck with the 2.0 Pistons...

Chauncey


Big Ben


Tay Tay


Darko


Roscoe

SA in 7. I called it... way back in February. Sort of. I thought Manu would win the MVP. Instead he just dunked all over the Pistons, and delivered the best quote of the whole series.

"All the guys are hugging and kissing. I want to go hug!"

Thing is I didn't actually watch the game, not the version you saw at least. While you guys were nodding off to that defensive snoozefest, I was on the edge of my seat watching prime-time, superstar-driven action! I'm part of a Beta Test for Commisioner Stern's top-secret NBA 2.0 "Steven Bochco" project. It's a live (well, 30 second-delay) re-enactment of the game, only spiced up for more wholesome, family-friendly, Hollywood-style sports-entertainment!

Meet your 2005 NBA 2.0 Champions:

Coach Pop


Timmy D.


Big Shot Bob




and introducing Manu!

Must have been all that Iron Butterfly...

Gulliest. Beauty Shop. Ever. These women are my new heros. Does it get any grimier than Shreveport?

Terry Porter got axed in Milwaukee. Dude was doing a good job with a thin, injury depleted, roster, so this has got to mean he had some serious disagreements with management over that #1 draft pick. I just hope whoever they bring in has TP's same love for TJ Ford.

Remember Dock Ellis, that dude who pitched a Major League no-hitter... on acid? Bro is even more gangsta than you thought.

NBA Finals Game 7 tonight. Who wants it?

I fear for the future of our nation.
A few of my reasons:

1. The good ones are going fast. When's the last time your Representative hand-wrote you a letter, showed up at your daddy's funeral, or did jack-shit to help the poor? RIP Jake.
2. Kids like this idiot are gonna be voting soon.
3. Something tells me this sissy doesn't get his ass kicked every day at school. He should. (Dude's parents need a prescription for this stuff, stat.)
4. This war shit is really getting out of hand. How long before every poorly educated, under-privileged, naive, 18 year old we have is over there with a leg blown off?
5. Back in Decatur we used to do stupid stuff like this all the time, only we could swim. And didn't live in the 3d world. RIP kid.
6. I admit it, I laughed my ass off at this Tom Cruise kills Oprah nonsense.
   

I missed the NBA Finals game last night, because I was busy rubbing shoulders with the rich and the famous at an event at the National Arts Club curated by my girl Alexa. I wore a tie! I tied it myself!

"
THe NBA needs to commision a statue of Robert Horry. Now.

34 years old. 5 titles. About to make it 6. 21 of the Spurs last 35 points, all in the last 20 minutes of the game. How many game-saving (and ultimately game-breaking) shots? Just about all of them, right? He saved Tim Duncan's ass, despite the big guy's vigilant quest to become the Nick Anderson of this year's NBA Finals.

This is ridiculous, but so was this dunk and the fact that 'Sheed didn't cover Big Shot Bob--you don't leave a guy with an AKA like that open with the game on the line--off the inbounds, so I guess it sort of makes sense. Just ask Bill Simmons.

Anybody else remember that game years ago when Horry was on the Rockets (it might even have been his rookie season) when he scored like 24 points, entirely on dunks? Dude has always had a flare for the dramatic.

The new Batman movie is totally badass. Action-packed, dystopic, tripped out, and scary as Hell.

Bonus Texas 'Scrips:

• ATX DJs NickNack, Starsign, and Chicken George (and BLAZE!) on PBS Downtown, edited by my invisible boy Fuckin' A.
• Longhorn Basketball just snagged the #2 player in the country, Kevin Durant... as long as Stern implements that Age Limit that is. (2 entire Durant/Oak Hill games available here - reg. required.)
• I'm stickin' to my guns; SA in 7, Manu MVP. We'll see. I don't think the D can play that well again (I'm looking at you Lindsey Hunter,) and I sure hope the Spurs can't continue to play that badly. SA's gotta figure out a way to beat that trap, benching Beno might be a good place to start.
  

Just killed it. The instrumental Nat'l Anthem is criminally slept-on. SA is getting slaughtered in the all-important pre-game entertainment category. If this series goes back to TX, they better drag Willie's ass away from those Dukes of Hazzard premiers and out to the game.

I gotta get a copy of this, my local deli's cheese selection is deplorable.

So I've been slacking on the political talk. No more. Well, some more. I don't have much to say here, but at least we can all be semi-well-read together.

Bye Bye Black Brooklyn 'Scrip:
Ibrahim's mom just got forced out of Ft. Greene, so he's putting gentrifiers on blast.

Bye Bye Brown Barrio 'Scrip
Speaking of gentrification, the good people left in whitey-fying East Austin, TX, have a protest going on.

World's Wildest Fucktard World Leader Videos 'Scrip:
I think I liked W better back when he was drinking. A drunk asshole is forgivable, a sober asshole is just a dick. (video clips)

Republicans Terrified About '08 'Scrip:
Right Wing Attack Machine On Crack.

Remember the Congo? 'Scrip:
Silly, there's no humanitarian crisis in the Congo.

He Who Smelt the Methane Ice Dealt the Methane Ice 'Scrip:
Bermuda Triangle explained? When the ocean farts, ships and planes go down.

Doctor Strange is always changing size.

Pink Floyd reunion is official. Now they just need to get Syd out there and things will really be popping off. I saw the Floyd with my square cousin back in '94 on some smokin' pot in the port-a-potty steez. It fucking rocked.

You See Meat and I See Murder 'Scrip:
Your favorite fruity rappers say, "Go Veg!" I think Ja Rule just hurts your cause, but Dick Gregory is my paranoid-genius-healthnut-revolutionary motherfucker! Word to 16 glasses of water a day!

Poodle Rockin' 'Scrip:
Triumph at the Micheal Jackson trial. Like booing at the Special Olympics.

Otto is Blotto 'Scrip:
Not that I can't sympathize just a little bit, but if this school-bus driver tried to pull this shit at my school he'd end up on the wrong end of a machete.

Great Shot Kid 'Scrip:
Is it dusty in here, or is this just a great story about a Secial Ed kid playing basketball?

Original Purple City. Word to Smog.

All this NYC heat and humidity is making long for home, where it might be just as hot, but folks are friendly, there's a damn sight more trees, everybody's got AC, Skip Carey and the Braves are on the box, Waffle House on every corner, and you don't have to ask twice for a glass of ice-water at a restaurant.

Old Sweet Song:
Finally. Just Blaze, Luda and (Decatur's own) Field Mob remake "Georgia" (halfway down.) Heads are hating on this, but I think if you're from ATL you gotta love it like they "love that G-A red clay." Anybody remember how right before Channel 8 would go off the air in the middle of the night they'd play "Georgia" over landscape-footage of GA shot from a helicoptor?

No Cut-Up:
My crazy Uncle Perry used to have 18 cats. Now he only has one, but it's named Chipper. Perry is so ATL he bleeds Coca-Cola.

As Soon As They Release "The 'Nique," I'm On It:
ATL-themed fake Air Force 1s. 150$? Walter's has 'em for half that. Bet. (via Catchdubs, who once stole my Dip-school pic without giving me my propers, but I'll be a bigger man and remain polite, 'cause that's how my mama raised me. He's probably a fucking Yankee and can't help it he doesn't have manners once inadvertantly used my Dip-school pic and had the decency to come over here and explain as much.)

Is This The Line For The Beer Or For The Tickets To Get The Beer?:
Anybody else remember that time back in '88 that Whodini, MC Lyte, Slick Rick and Doug E Fresh, and Public Enemy all played at an outdoor show in At-lana? Oh. Right. That wasn't '88, it's this Sunday at the Music Midtown festival (107.9 stage). (David Banner, Slim Thug, Trillville, and Common might not be a bad show on Saturday either, just be sure to skip out before the Wack Eyed Peas play.)

That big-nosed Argentine is doing his best to make me look like a goddamn genius.

Infinitely preferable to Alanis, but Robert Horry's musical performance before the game was a little lackluster.

Fuck Alanis Morrissette.

It is officially hot enough now to throw a trashcan
through the window of Sal's Famous.

Don't worry. I've got your medicine right here. Welcome to the cool-out clinic.

Cool Off With Some Breezy Photos 'Scrip:

• Amsterdam Devin pics. Why's it so hazy in there?
• NYC Devin pics. Your good Doctor and the Pistol can be seen in the background of at least one of these snaps. Where is the one and only Pos Luv?

Cold Dead Hot Body 'Scrip:
Chloe Jones dead at 29. Cause unknown.

You Call This Hot? 'Scrip:
That ain't hot. The gyrating culo in this new Shakira video is hot.

I'm gonna start cross-posting my sports-related stuff over at baseblog. Check it.

Knocked the fuck back.

Which leaves us with
The NBA Finals:
vs.

ABC probably already has a hit out on the refs who let this small-market disaster happen. That's okay though, while they're gonna get beat in the ratings every night by Hell's Kitchen, we'll still be watching.

I love this match-up. Here's how I see it:

• Billups dominates Tony Parker. He backs him down or shoots over him on Offense, and on D simply pushes him towards that killer Detroit help. Advantage: D
• Tay Prince will give Manu fits. He's long and fast and a ball-hawk. I think they neutralize each other. No Advantage
• Duncan gets his, but Big Ben (and McDyess and Grandpa Campbell) makes him work for it. Advantage: SA
• Bowen makes Rip Hamilton his bitch just like he did to Jesus Shuttlesworth. Advantage: SA
• Rasheed is quietly becoming a champion. Well quietly on the court, off-court, not so much. What's he on 6 gurantees in a row now? He continues to do it when it counts against Nazr. Advantage: D
• Bench: Spurs have Big Shot Bob Horry, under-performing of late perennial Doc.Rob favorite Brent Barry, and the ghost of Rasho Nesterovic. Pistons run McDyess, no-show Arroyo, and Campbell at you. D's got fouls. Spurs got Bob. No Advatage
  
• Coaches: This should be a push. Pop and Brown are two of the best in the business, but Brown is getting squirrelly again with this Cleveland jive. Gotta go with Poppa Zit here. Advantage: SA
• Verdict: I'm not backing down now. SA in 7. Should be fun.
  

Bonus Beat the Heat 'Scrips:
When and if the King of Pop ends up noseless and buggered, rotting away in San Quentin, I am now OK with that. We've found a replacement.

I don't want to blow up anybody's spot (especially my own,) but if you're in NYC, I highly suggest you head up to Yankee Stadium tomorrow (Wednesday) at 6:30 for the High School Baseball City Championship game. 3d base side of the House that Ruth Built is gonna be poppin' off something fierce with drums, percussion, fly Dominican young ladies, and some heated Reggaeton chants.

RIP Victor.
iYeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah!

My friend Courtney will take your fucking head off

Best News In a While 'Scrip:
Chappelle's back?

Redsox Yes Homo 'Scrip:
I know plenty of kids up in the Bronx that would love to rock this Queer Eye rhinestoned-out PINK Redsox gear...


Dimesacks and Dubsacks all the way to O'z 'Scrip:
Ricky needs to get his weight up? I'd love to see Ricky tearin' up the league again next year, but I'd rather see him happy. Do YOU Ricky, fuck the Haters.

Still the Best Job in the World 'Scrip:
Paul Shirley took time off from his busy schedule of getting paid to do nothing. He was blogging the Playoffs.

Another Shitty Remake 'Scrip:
MTV Warriors... Come out and plaaaaay.

Who Needs Bartlett's 'Scrip:
Some dude is on a quest to collect every great Barkley utterance ever.

Black Jesus on ice.

Just like avone's tag, the Phoenix Suns logo...

is the same when you flip it upside down...


Cool, huh? But cool don't beat the Spurs. Amare is an unstoppable force. He'll be better than Timmy soon. Too bad his defense is so often non-existent.

More Suns matador D.

Steve and Dirk are probably getting blasted as we speak.

Is it too early to say I told you so?

Devin was a little disappointing. The Dude himself was dope--impressively charming, vocally skilled, and the selections were top notch--but he played for less than an hour, and someone let that Spankrock crew stay onstage way past the point of amusing. Even if I have seen your titties on the internets, I paid my $15+ to see Devin. Maybe it's just the broke-dick/southern-boy/working-man in me and I'm not cut out for this big-city hipster shit, but $15+ is a ticket-price not a cover charge. Anything is plenty man, shouts to Houston for bringing it, but I'd like a little more Dude for my Dollar.